He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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