you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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