Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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