The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
