You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You made out with two different species that night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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