I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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