you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
