Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
