I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
