I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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