I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
