how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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