Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
