Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
