The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
