Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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