I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
