I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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