If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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