There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
