hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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