She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
