Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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