i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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