You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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