Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we're so committed to being not committed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
