Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
