I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
