I wish I could teleport
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
