oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
