You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
