i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
