This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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