i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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