Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
