My room smells like vodka and shame
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
