Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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