I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
