just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
