I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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