Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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