Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
