My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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