please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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