The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
50% drunk capacity currently
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
