I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
