Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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