FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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