You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
