Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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