umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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