i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
