The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
